I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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