hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
