1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Congratulations! We have a period
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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