Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
