she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Randomize