Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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