u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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