first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
