it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
