final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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