We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize