Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
pop tarts are not kleenex
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
