they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
