And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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