I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
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