I wish I only lived at night.
I don't think brook has ever known best
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize