Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
