Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
