K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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