I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
These tits shall not be calmed
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
