I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize