Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
