Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
This couple is walking their pig around campus
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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