Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Randomize
