Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
