tell your sister to shave her snatch
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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