Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
