They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
