hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
