I wanna passion pit in your ass
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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