so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
