Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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