I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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