I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
im holly from the hills drunk
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
not ubering you a puppy
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
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