I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
