i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
