In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize