and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
