Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Randomize
