i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize