you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
