hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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