I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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