You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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