i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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