mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Small penises have feelings too.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize