the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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