You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
The maid of honor just puked.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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