Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
