I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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