The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize