Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I wish I only lived at night.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
