just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
