96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
