Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
last night I used snow as a chaser
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
