They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
