Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Randomize
