What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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