But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
