So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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