but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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