awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
