tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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