Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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