I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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