WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
