I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
