It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Randomize