i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize