So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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