Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
