if only i could text you this smell
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
