I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
our cab driver is having phone sex.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
