you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
