3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
