wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
My day in three words: secret purse cake
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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