Nicole vs. Life
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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