I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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