I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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